Love your spouse and family from the bottom of your heart...

Marriage is a bond to live the rest of the life happily with an aim  to fulfil the purpose of life. Love is the prime factor in a happy married life. Love your spouse doesn't mean it is only a twosome. It is more than that. You are now part of a new family. You have to respect the persons in your new family. If not you are going to lose the trust and faith of your spouse. In many cases it is very clear there are no nice thoughts of in laws. Slowly these behaviour will weakens your marriage. Try to honour and respect your spouse's family in their style. Because you are from a different family. Once you are respecting each other with openness really works in the harmony of your life. All are humane and try to understand it and go in a mutual understanding without finding fault in the other family which is your fault not the other's fault. Understanding is the more important thing not to ill treat your in laws. Your spouse is the loving and beautiful child of your in laws. Let your spouse be in a good, healthy and loving relationship with their family.

Live simple and humble for a peaceful married life...

There will be ups and downs in all married life. Some important things to take into consideration are to differentiate between 'needs' and 'wants'. Needs are highly essential in life. But 'wants' can be delayed based on financial capacity. In furnishing new home, car, clothes, fancies etc. are some areas where couples go for loans. Loans which is within your repayable limit is advisable. Do not get tempted with your spouse's words to get into debt. Make choices to live with the needs help you live without debt to be happy and makes a peaceful life. The kids will also follow the simplicity of their parents.
Spouses should not make a point to complain. It will become a habit and attitude to complain all the time which spoils the happiness. Positive attitude towards life is highly essential to change your mind to change your spouse.
Plan the annual budget, trips, kid's education, other activities together to feel oneness and to act as a team to drive your life. Be more generous with time and money. Find your own time and family time in a regular basis to appreciate and support your spouse and kids.
Simplicity is the path to know and love yourself , your spouse and your family.
 

Go beyond the Twosome!

To live in healthy relation between spouses you need to understand and love your in laws and close relatives. Marriage is between two people but between two families also. Recently young couples are mostly attached in between. They don't have time to think about others. It is OK. After your early time of marriage you back to normal life and at least now is the time to look on your dear ones in both the families.
There are young couples thinking of their close ones and being in touch with them. The important thing is it should be same to both sides. If one is weak in maintaining the relations the other should cover up the lack. In long run the spouse can highly appreciate the acts of the other. Do not behave in a biased way. Treat both families in equal love and respect.
Do not hesitate to keep families and friends in a loop. Marriage is between families and is a signature in the society. Do not be so possessive with your spouse. It is better to love your spouse and family together. The freedom and love in between the family will be a true blessing on the new couples.
We can see all the happiest couples are those who have interest and support "beyond the twosome".

Mutual trust and mutual understanding in marriage...

In married life love and respect each other to lead a model and happy life. No discrimination is needed between spouses. This in later will affect the life of your children. Wisdom and strength are very important to make your relationship healthy and happy. You need to deal with your imperfections to show your children that you are in good relation as their mom and dad. Give your spouse what expect from him or her. Always consider your words and actions to your spouse. A humble way of behaviour to your spouse will clear out any little dislikes between you both. If you can be easy with your spouse you will find life more easier. The truth is that people or situations are powerless. They are powerful with your reactions. Keep away from arguments, divert attention from anger, go compromising, be kind and compassionate to sustain the trust in between the couples.

Communication is the best key in married life

Where there is excellent communication between couples they are happy. When it grows into a family with kids, communication is very important among the family members to lead a happy life.
Our success key in our marriage life, even after forty years are the lovely, innocent and real communication. Around the dinner table we start, because we both were employed, as new couples to loving parents and now as aged couples. What ever happened in the day is just discussed before bed. So we have common friends, we know where ever we went, what we did, even what we talked like wise every thing is shared between us. By the grace of the 'Almighty' we are living happily for the last forty years. Clear communication avoids doubts, fear and jealousy. Clear communication is the real magical touch to make marriages happy. Think that you are sharing with the most important person in the rest part of your life. Communication helps to let go things, to avoid criticism, to take it easy, not to take it personal and over and above have fun of the day, love, positive approach and able to embrace and enjoy life.

Love unconditionally for a happy married life

Love unconditionally means, love your spouse as the way 'God' loves you. How many can love your spouse like this. Couples are not at all different, they are also are selfish like anyone. We all will some times do mistakes by error or vice verse. We all some times makes mistakes which we are answerable to our spouse. When we try to keep it as a secret the that will be a sin. None of us are over and above sins. That is only humane. When we share our mistakes then it is very clear that we loves each other unconditionally. We have to humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness frequently in married life. That is so common. Nothing is shame in that provided we feel we are one. Unconditional love leads to love each other without any demands. Loving without any demands is very important between spouses. Demands are simple rules to hard rules. Rules are authority and rigid where love is pure and flexible. Of course rules can easily upset your relation. Few common rules like, dropping and picking kids from schools, grocery days, remitting bills on water and electricity like wise are essential at a home. Go for simple rules if necessary and forget about the rules on your time, your money, your family, your job, your style etc. not to complicate married life. The fewer the rules the better the relationship. True love is not at all demanding. The spouses who love unconditionally can do the house chores when they see it and if it need to be done.
I should say by putting 'God' who loves us unconditionally, in between the couples, works well and enables the spouses to experience the true love without any expectations and ego. 

Learn to live with your differences in married life

Recognize your differences and always set your mind to defer each of the differences.
Don't wait for your spouse to get corrected and come on your way. That is the most foolish thought if you think so. But it is wise if you want to maintain your marriage in a happy way, you have to learn to live with your difference. Think how different are you from your spouse and look into the steps how you can get adjusted with that.
In my early married life we both were working and my husband has night shifts. During his night shifts when I am back from office I was so sad to see the sheets in the  bed room are scattered and unfolded. He is not having a habit of folding it back like it was before after his sleep. I hate to see things are disorganized. But he used to say, what's the matter I can do it now, but again it is like that. When I started to demand, he turned his attitude, saying, it is our home why should you get upset, nobody else is here to rank us in home keeping. I thought I need peace at home, this guy is not going to change, so let me do what ever things is organizing myself without complaining. Slowly I began to feel quite happy at home not looking into the things which are not in my control.
When we think the common things we have together and work on it, the happiness factor will reaches the peak and the home can be a heaven. And also respect the special skills of our spouse have, may be in cleaning, taking care of kids, helping in kitchen, doing laundry like that, wilfully give up our preferences for one another. In another way differences are so good to be individualistic and live a life of different perspective which can add depth into marriage. So learn to live with your differences, respect your spouse's differences and live in your comfort zone without disturbing your spouse.

Spouses to become best friends in life to lead a successful maried life...

Love your spouse as your best friend. Real friends will be open to each other, share jokes, have lots of likes and more over with a helping hand always. When you get together you have to understand each other. Make a point to have an open discussion just like to your intimate friend. Deep friendship is a key to true intimacy between husband and wife. Keep in mind sex is not the only key to a successful married life. You have to become friends first and keep on, because friends spend time together doing things they both like and enjoy. At the end of the day make it a point looking at each other to say 'you are my best friend in my life'.

Food is important in a happy married life...

Young couples are very confident to be on their own. Previously the dinner or lunch served to the family members were the same. Considering the likes of the members the menu will be prepared. Now a days there are a lot of options to have separate food for each and everyone at home. They just go into the pantry or search in the refrigerator to find their favorite or buy from outside or order online and wait for it. That is the system followed by the young generation. That is good to certain level because of the fast life.
Food has an important role in the bondage in marriage. In my age, I was told that wives should take the privilege to find out the taste of their husbands and cook those dishes with a special ingredient of 'love' which makes him to surrender to you. To a good level that was true. They love to have food from home, because at home,  the most important person in his life is waiting to serve the delicious dish and to enjoy dinner with him. Who can get away from this. Let your husband to adore and enjoy your cooking, your unconditional love and the satisfaction of having the favorite food with the most lovable person. Learn from him his tastes and consult with his mom for the recipe and her special ingredients in it. After all you are going to be a good daughter in law also. What is there to loose for you? Only gain, gain and gain and a concrete foundation of understanding with your husband.
Now a days both boys and girls know cooking just to survive themselves. Go find out the taste of your spouse and try the dish. Let us take it in both ways by husband and wife because both are working and both are busy. Who comes back home first, can go ahead with the preparation of dinner and get ready for the next day's breakfast and lunch. Is that a nice idea to surprise your spouse with your helping hand on return from office? 

Man proposes, God disposes...have a strong faith in the 'Supreme Power'....

We proposes, and God disposes. It is so true. We can make any plans we want but the final decision is of 'God' that decides it's implementation as success or failures. Everything depends on 'God's' grace rather than our wisdom. We all the created and guided by the 'Supreme Power' with a proper and solid plan of prosperity. Have trust in the power and go ahead with a real positive attitude. Every plan has a nice end to finish it or to restart from it. We are created for a reason to fulfil the purpose of our life in this mother earth. The paths to reach the destination is cleared by the 'Almighty' in front of us to go through. It is the negative thinking in us distracting us to follow. Look inward and find the 'God' within us to follow the purpose to our true self, which is the original plan, serving the mankind and the planet with love. Be in touch with our community, with our fellow traveller's to keep our life moving ahead always with a mind of love serving others. Love is the most important factor to be with us to power our lives as humans. It can driven us to live our life passionately. Keep on learning everyday in our life through experiences to help our neighbours in our own unique way with love and wisdom. Let us have love for God, love for our fellow humans and love for ourselves.
If we look into our lives, we can see a lot of examples for this statement. Trips cancelled, postponed, marriages not happened, illness and deaths, job change, transfers to another city/country/continent, likewise lots and lots to think and have strong faith and trust in 'God'.

Lead a successful married life even if you are different....

Me and my husband are totally different by nature. He loves introspection while I loves to chat. He loves to stay at home I love to visit relatives. He won't like to do things in a systematic way I am just the opposite. It was so hard in my early phase to adjust.
My husband was so intelligent to tackle me, I think. He told 'why should we worry the things are not systematic at our home? It is our heaven, we can do as we wish. Let it be like it. See what's the problem here? We are happy right? We want to be happy. Let's go for a movie. Like that he diverted my attention from small things to make me join his team. Anyway without any hardships we succeeded and now we are very happy to be together for the last four decades. Even though we have differences we both have some common likes. We both love films. We love to dine out. We love cooking, photography, travel, reading and writing. I really appreciate him for his brilliant and positive approach to rail me into our marriage track. He was so kind and generous. Now he is a psychologist, he learned transactional analysis in his late thirties.
 Couples should know each other and respect each other. Differences will be there between spouses. Differences to a certain level is the basis of growth and development of the individuals. Differences are also beautiful and powerful. Enjoy the stage of being different and learn to live with your difference. But always treat your spouse as your true and real friend in your life. Work on your problems now and then to enjoy and embrace your married life.

Twelve secrets to a successful Marriage...

Love unconditionally. Love is giving. Give love and take love.
Treat and trust your spouse as your ever loving true friend.
Love your spouse's family from your heart. Appreciate and support your spouse.
Let go pains and hurts, grudges and past.
Don't compare your spouse or your married life with anyone or any other's marriage.
Attitude plays a great role in marriage. Change your mind to bring changes in your marriage life.
Happiness will come and go. Bring happiness back intentionally when you want to be happy.
Work out on crisis to stay calm. Avoid silence, talk and talk to vent out tension.
Always be generous, kind and happy to avoid criticism and arguments with your spouse.
Be a team in planning and implementing your life.
Learn life skills such as negotiation, communication, presentation, management etc. to win the hurdles in your marriage.
Never be defensive,  always take care to adopt a win-win policy in your married life.
                                                    Take care of your marriage because it is too fragile. Enjoy each and every moment in your married life. Every successful couples had arrived their success strategy through trials and errors. Use different tactics to get different results. Try to make changes in attitude, approaches and actions to derive your own success phenomenon in your married life.
 

Transparency is a vital key in successful marriage....

If you are open minded you will be transparent to your spouse. Openness leads to honesty and simplicity. You are like an open book. Everything is written, nothing is there to hide. Couples can be at ease and can find life becoming more comfortable.
There are some couples who hide even simple things from their spouses. I had friends, who purchase dresses and keep in office table because afraid to take home. Some buy jewellery by their own and say, it is gift from, mom, sister or aunt. Some will go for movie from office without telling their spouse. Likewise these are all silly and simple things keeping away from their spouses only because they are not transparent and open at heart. Doing such small things can go to higher levels which will go out of our control. It is better not to hide any thing from our spouse.
Transparency builds up faith in each other. Mutual trust and understanding is the greatest strength in a successful marriage. They are able to love unconditionally without any expectations. The rules and regulations in between them are common and easily manageable. There will be no I and You in between them, only We. We can easily understand that from their conversations. They always use 'we, our, us'. We can't hear they using the words, 'I, my or mine'. Both of them do all their work at home in unity. Transparency will drive away doubt, fear, jealous, grudge or past incidents. They can easily appreciate and support their spouse.

Synergy in Marriage...

The greatest benefit of marriage is synergy. Two persons, a man and a women, join together in the contract of marriage, in front of the God and relatives & friends. In the new journey they are 'one' not 'two'. They have to fulfil the purpose of taking part in the growth of the society through their life. For the harmony in their life they have to exit from 'I' and 'You' to the phenomenon 'We'. Synergy is the combined power of the couples. They both can achieve more and more than they work separately. Every spouse need to take care of each one's interest in personal and social growth. There are couples who live on excuses blaming the other for each and every thing. There are also some other couples who want to get the credit of success in their name rather than sharing it together. All these incidents are ill treating your spouse and results in derailing your marriage. Couples should be intimate. One should definitely value their spouse. Deep friendship is the key for true intimacy. Treat your spouse as your best friend to feel free to share foolishness, have jokes and enjoy laughter. Ups and downs are common in life. Enjoy your happy time together. Face the crisis in your life together to lessen the stress. Plan the whole package of your life together. Togetherness is always sweet. Maintain the 'sweetness' in your life to sustain the 'Synergy' in marriage. You are no more two. You are blessed by the 'Almighty' to be 'One' and serve the purpose of your life to bring happiness and peace in the world.

Positive thoughts on a healthy marriage....

" I have a limit and when you reach it I dismiss you from my life." Is that such a simple thing?
Marriage is a lifelong contract between two beautiful souls to create harmony in the world.
Attitude plays the main role in marriage. So attitude is everything in marriage. Your style of thinking develops your attitude. When you think negative, when you expect negative, when you do negative, when you say negative, then all the results end up in negative. Attitude will decide the response in the forthcoming sessions whether personal or official.
Try to analyse your attitude if you truly need a change. Get ready to make changes in the areas where your spouse disagrees. Get rid of the attitudes of continuous complaining, expecting negative talks, getting angry, getting sad and feeling sick with no reasons. Find a nice and suitable time to sit together and go through the likes and dislikes and find more time to get involved in common likes to share fun and laughter. Being positive is the right way to correct your spouse's attitude and make life better. Change your negative attitudes for the most important persons in your life, your spouse and children. Don't expect to agree everything by your spouse. Being more positive you will be able to respect your spouse's view also.
A short visualization technique on cultivating positive thoughts.
Sit down and analyse all the negative thoughts in you.
Write down consciously one by one.
Go through it again, read, and convince that these are the thoughts you want to get rid off.
Write down, I want to get rid off all these negative thoughts to be a better me for a better marriage life. I am going to burn all these. Pray to the 'Supreme Power' to fill with the positives of these negatives. With firm determination and a burning desire, burn all the negatives you want to expel from you and see that it is no more. Repeat this for few days till you feel positive and experiencing to have positive attitude.

Newly weds to know please....

I am an Indian. In India we value family. Marriage is between two, but beyond the twosome we honour wholesome that are the families also. Marriage is the contract between bride and bridegroom, the relation is between the two families. The close family members are so important to be invited for the functions and get together. It was the custom followed and even following. But in the new generation, the nuclear family is turning out to be more nucleus with the stay of the young couple away from home in connection with their career.
One conversation of the mom to her daughter just before marriage, shocked me. It was, " Oh my darling the doors of this home is wide open 24/7, if any discomfort come in.' I didn't comment because it was not suited in the situation with a bunch of relatives. As a counsellor, after six months the mom came to me with indifferences of the newly weds for the last six months. With three sittings they overcame the problem and living happily. One main reason not to get adjusted was the 'mom's sweet words'. Never ever we should give any foolish ideas or suggestions to our children simply to lack their usual compromising skills.
Yes of course, the spouse is the most important person in our life after marriage. Being a social individual we are bound to be a loving family member too. So both brides and bridegrooms, please honour and respect your other family members and use all the negotiation, compromising tactics if needed to maintain healthy family relations. If not in long run, you are going to be the victims of not caring and valuing your family. Also happiness will be surface thing in those families. A fusion of taste, culture, habits, style, likes and dislikes of both the families have to be taken into consideration for a better family in the world. Compromising acts with a positive attitude is an essential key to lead a harmonious and blissful life. Thank you all!

Keys for successful Marriage...

We, me and my husband got married in 1976. By God's grace till now we are happy and  peaceful.
Trust and faith between us are the important key of the success in marriage. Of course from different family, we were totally different persons. Our marriage was an arranged one. We start to know each other only after our marriage. Arranged marriage was the ideal custom prevailed in our culture during that time. Slowly we start to love each other, recognize the likes and dislikes, passions of each other. First it was really hard to understand that I have to let go some of my favourites for my beloved.
My mom was the marriage counsellor for me. The rules and regulations were totally different that time. Even now, I respect those rules what my mom taught me. The nut shell is here.
"You are going to get married and being part of a new family. All families are having almost same rules and regulations with different amendments. You need to learn that from the first day itself from your husband, in laws and other members in that family. Your role as a wife is going to be more responsible to bridge between both the families. You have to respect and obey the elders, assist them whenever you are there, have dinner together, interact with all the members in the family, enjoy food with them, don't be reluctant to any food served and to create a oneness feel among all. The key to be a loving wife, daughter in law, sister in law and aunt in your new home is only in your hands. If you want to live happily go ahead with a positive approach without complaining for each and every small things you noticed in that new home which is not fair to you. Have faith in 'Almighty' the rest will be done by the 'God'. Good luck my dear!!!" This was my mom's words.
Even now I respect the words of my mom, because it was the real foundation in my life to be happy,  with my new relatives. Being simple and humble brings a lot. Tonnes of 'Happiness and Peace'.
We were so lucky to have faith in each other. We used to do household activities and backyard activities together. Where ever we go we will be together. Not in official sessions. Because we served in entirely different departments. Of course, we had and even now have difference of opinion. That is not a big thing. For us the little difference is the beauty in our life enabling both of us to think, speak and act differently. We underwent different courses such as psychology, yoga and meditation, astrology, human resource development etc. which in turn help us and our children to lead an ideal life. We love travel, photography, cooking and still enjoying all our passions.
My husband's words, "Now we are enjoying bonuses in our life. So let us be more and more simple and humble to our life." That is the success secret in our life. We are truly blessed by the "Almighty."