Lead a successful married life even if you are different....

Me and my husband are totally different by nature. He loves introspection while I loves to chat. He loves to stay at home I love to visit relatives. He won't like to do things in a systematic way I am just the opposite. It was so hard in my early phase to adjust.
My husband was so intelligent to tackle me, I think. He told 'why should we worry the things are not systematic at our home? It is our heaven, we can do as we wish. Let it be like it. See what's the problem here? We are happy right? We want to be happy. Let's go for a movie. Like that he diverted my attention from small things to make me join his team. Anyway without any hardships we succeeded and now we are very happy to be together for the last four decades. Even though we have differences we both have some common likes. We both love films. We love to dine out. We love cooking, photography, travel, reading and writing. I really appreciate him for his brilliant and positive approach to rail me into our marriage track. He was so kind and generous. Now he is a psychologist, he learned transactional analysis in his late thirties.
 Couples should know each other and respect each other. Differences will be there between spouses. Differences to a certain level is the basis of growth and development of the individuals. Differences are also beautiful and powerful. Enjoy the stage of being different and learn to live with your difference. But always treat your spouse as your true and real friend in your life. Work on your problems now and then to enjoy and embrace your married life.

Twelve secrets to a successful Marriage...

Love unconditionally. Love is giving. Give love and take love.
Treat and trust your spouse as your ever loving true friend.
Love your spouse's family from your heart. Appreciate and support your spouse.
Let go pains and hurts, grudges and past.
Don't compare your spouse or your married life with anyone or any other's marriage.
Attitude plays a great role in marriage. Change your mind to bring changes in your marriage life.
Happiness will come and go. Bring happiness back intentionally when you want to be happy.
Work out on crisis to stay calm. Avoid silence, talk and talk to vent out tension.
Always be generous, kind and happy to avoid criticism and arguments with your spouse.
Be a team in planning and implementing your life.
Learn life skills such as negotiation, communication, presentation, management etc. to win the hurdles in your marriage.
Never be defensive,  always take care to adopt a win-win policy in your married life.
                                                    Take care of your marriage because it is too fragile. Enjoy each and every moment in your married life. Every successful couples had arrived their success strategy through trials and errors. Use different tactics to get different results. Try to make changes in attitude, approaches and actions to derive your own success phenomenon in your married life.
 

Transparency is a vital key in successful marriage....

If you are open minded you will be transparent to your spouse. Openness leads to honesty and simplicity. You are like an open book. Everything is written, nothing is there to hide. Couples can be at ease and can find life becoming more comfortable.
There are some couples who hide even simple things from their spouses. I had friends, who purchase dresses and keep in office table because afraid to take home. Some buy jewellery by their own and say, it is gift from, mom, sister or aunt. Some will go for movie from office without telling their spouse. Likewise these are all silly and simple things keeping away from their spouses only because they are not transparent and open at heart. Doing such small things can go to higher levels which will go out of our control. It is better not to hide any thing from our spouse.
Transparency builds up faith in each other. Mutual trust and understanding is the greatest strength in a successful marriage. They are able to love unconditionally without any expectations. The rules and regulations in between them are common and easily manageable. There will be no I and You in between them, only We. We can easily understand that from their conversations. They always use 'we, our, us'. We can't hear they using the words, 'I, my or mine'. Both of them do all their work at home in unity. Transparency will drive away doubt, fear, jealous, grudge or past incidents. They can easily appreciate and support their spouse.

Synergy in Marriage...

The greatest benefit of marriage is synergy. Two persons, a man and a women, join together in the contract of marriage, in front of the God and relatives & friends. In the new journey they are 'one' not 'two'. They have to fulfil the purpose of taking part in the growth of the society through their life. For the harmony in their life they have to exit from 'I' and 'You' to the phenomenon 'We'. Synergy is the combined power of the couples. They both can achieve more and more than they work separately. Every spouse need to take care of each one's interest in personal and social growth. There are couples who live on excuses blaming the other for each and every thing. There are also some other couples who want to get the credit of success in their name rather than sharing it together. All these incidents are ill treating your spouse and results in derailing your marriage. Couples should be intimate. One should definitely value their spouse. Deep friendship is the key for true intimacy. Treat your spouse as your best friend to feel free to share foolishness, have jokes and enjoy laughter. Ups and downs are common in life. Enjoy your happy time together. Face the crisis in your life together to lessen the stress. Plan the whole package of your life together. Togetherness is always sweet. Maintain the 'sweetness' in your life to sustain the 'Synergy' in marriage. You are no more two. You are blessed by the 'Almighty' to be 'One' and serve the purpose of your life to bring happiness and peace in the world.

Positive thoughts on a healthy marriage....

" I have a limit and when you reach it I dismiss you from my life." Is that such a simple thing?
Marriage is a lifelong contract between two beautiful souls to create harmony in the world.
Attitude plays the main role in marriage. So attitude is everything in marriage. Your style of thinking develops your attitude. When you think negative, when you expect negative, when you do negative, when you say negative, then all the results end up in negative. Attitude will decide the response in the forthcoming sessions whether personal or official.
Try to analyse your attitude if you truly need a change. Get ready to make changes in the areas where your spouse disagrees. Get rid of the attitudes of continuous complaining, expecting negative talks, getting angry, getting sad and feeling sick with no reasons. Find a nice and suitable time to sit together and go through the likes and dislikes and find more time to get involved in common likes to share fun and laughter. Being positive is the right way to correct your spouse's attitude and make life better. Change your negative attitudes for the most important persons in your life, your spouse and children. Don't expect to agree everything by your spouse. Being more positive you will be able to respect your spouse's view also.
A short visualization technique on cultivating positive thoughts.
Sit down and analyse all the negative thoughts in you.
Write down consciously one by one.
Go through it again, read, and convince that these are the thoughts you want to get rid off.
Write down, I want to get rid off all these negative thoughts to be a better me for a better marriage life. I am going to burn all these. Pray to the 'Supreme Power' to fill with the positives of these negatives. With firm determination and a burning desire, burn all the negatives you want to expel from you and see that it is no more. Repeat this for few days till you feel positive and experiencing to have positive attitude.

Newly weds to know please....

I am an Indian. In India we value family. Marriage is between two, but beyond the twosome we honour wholesome that are the families also. Marriage is the contract between bride and bridegroom, the relation is between the two families. The close family members are so important to be invited for the functions and get together. It was the custom followed and even following. But in the new generation, the nuclear family is turning out to be more nucleus with the stay of the young couple away from home in connection with their career.
One conversation of the mom to her daughter just before marriage, shocked me. It was, " Oh my darling the doors of this home is wide open 24/7, if any discomfort come in.' I didn't comment because it was not suited in the situation with a bunch of relatives. As a counsellor, after six months the mom came to me with indifferences of the newly weds for the last six months. With three sittings they overcame the problem and living happily. One main reason not to get adjusted was the 'mom's sweet words'. Never ever we should give any foolish ideas or suggestions to our children simply to lack their usual compromising skills.
Yes of course, the spouse is the most important person in our life after marriage. Being a social individual we are bound to be a loving family member too. So both brides and bridegrooms, please honour and respect your other family members and use all the negotiation, compromising tactics if needed to maintain healthy family relations. If not in long run, you are going to be the victims of not caring and valuing your family. Also happiness will be surface thing in those families. A fusion of taste, culture, habits, style, likes and dislikes of both the families have to be taken into consideration for a better family in the world. Compromising acts with a positive attitude is an essential key to lead a harmonious and blissful life. Thank you all!

Keys for successful Marriage...

We, me and my husband got married in 1976. By God's grace till now we are happy and  peaceful.
Trust and faith between us are the important key of the success in marriage. Of course from different family, we were totally different persons. Our marriage was an arranged one. We start to know each other only after our marriage. Arranged marriage was the ideal custom prevailed in our culture during that time. Slowly we start to love each other, recognize the likes and dislikes, passions of each other. First it was really hard to understand that I have to let go some of my favourites for my beloved.
My mom was the marriage counsellor for me. The rules and regulations were totally different that time. Even now, I respect those rules what my mom taught me. The nut shell is here.
"You are going to get married and being part of a new family. All families are having almost same rules and regulations with different amendments. You need to learn that from the first day itself from your husband, in laws and other members in that family. Your role as a wife is going to be more responsible to bridge between both the families. You have to respect and obey the elders, assist them whenever you are there, have dinner together, interact with all the members in the family, enjoy food with them, don't be reluctant to any food served and to create a oneness feel among all. The key to be a loving wife, daughter in law, sister in law and aunt in your new home is only in your hands. If you want to live happily go ahead with a positive approach without complaining for each and every small things you noticed in that new home which is not fair to you. Have faith in 'Almighty' the rest will be done by the 'God'. Good luck my dear!!!" This was my mom's words.
Even now I respect the words of my mom, because it was the real foundation in my life to be happy,  with my new relatives. Being simple and humble brings a lot. Tonnes of 'Happiness and Peace'.
We were so lucky to have faith in each other. We used to do household activities and backyard activities together. Where ever we go we will be together. Not in official sessions. Because we served in entirely different departments. Of course, we had and even now have difference of opinion. That is not a big thing. For us the little difference is the beauty in our life enabling both of us to think, speak and act differently. We underwent different courses such as psychology, yoga and meditation, astrology, human resource development etc. which in turn help us and our children to lead an ideal life. We love travel, photography, cooking and still enjoying all our passions.
My husband's words, "Now we are enjoying bonuses in our life. So let us be more and more simple and humble to our life." That is the success secret in our life. We are truly blessed by the "Almighty."